He kissed a someone with a penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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