whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm always down for nudity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
