Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
