i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
