He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
BRING THE BAGELS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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