Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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