"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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