Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
