It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
