if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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