did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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