If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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