She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
