we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
