I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
