I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
