why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no you cant smoke seaweed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
