just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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