I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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