I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
