I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize