considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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