Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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