Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
