I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
