I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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