Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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