I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
