i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
