she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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