my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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