it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
