i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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