i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pants are for mortals
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
