i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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