Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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