Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
