Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
