if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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