I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
