Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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