there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
