giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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