Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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