Duck Duck Cougar?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
