It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
