She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize