And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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