One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
