you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
