words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize