We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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