oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
