Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
