Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
