he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
