"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
