im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
