I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
