We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
