I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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