I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
