R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
