oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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