we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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