I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
