At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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