my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
